Sandra Owens Read online

“Exactly. So you can imagine how he feels about me. I don’t quite follow his logic, but he apparently blames me that he had five daughters and no sons.”

  “Did you roger his countess and sire said girls?”

  Marlowe gave a hearty laugh. “I take it you have never seen Lady St. Clare?”

  Michael waved off Marlowe and turned for his carriage. Movement caught his eye and he looked down the street, but saw nothing unusual. Several times today, he had felt he was being watched.

  He walked to the front of his carriage. “Jaspers, have you noticed anyone following us?”

  “No, my lord.”

  “It is likely nothing, but be alert and let me know if anyone seems to be paying me undue attention. In fact, until I say otherwise, bring a groom with you as an extra pair of eyes.”

  “Yes, my lord. I’ll get Dougie. He sees real good.”

  “Very well. Now I’m for home.” After one last look, Michael entered his carriage and tapped on the roof. Though he saw no one as they pulled away, he could not shake the feeling of being observed. Who would care about his activities?

  Chapter Twenty

  “Heavens, Fanny, must you lace it so tight? I’m not going to be able to breathe.”

  “Yes, my lady, I must.”

  Diana grasped the bedpost and held her breath. How long was it going to take to get used to wearing a corset again?

  “There, my lady, all done.”

  “Oh, thank God.”

  More gowns had arrived from Mademoiselle this morning, most already put away by her efficient maid. She glanced at the lavender day dress made of Lutestring silk spread out on the bed. Before her marriage, she had taken as her due the fine clothes and accessories. Now it seemed as if she had stepped into a fairytale in the role of Cinderella after her Prince found her again.

  Yet, something was missing. She was empty inside. Her role as Jamie’s mother had taken a drastic change since Michael had appeared at the cottage. A month ago, she had been her son’s everything, but now her importance was slowly diminishing as his studies and other activities crowded into her time with him. Sooner than she wanted, he would be off to school and she would only see him on holidays. How would she bear it?

  If she had married Michael as she should have, she would have a life with him and the other children they would have had. That was lost to her now, or would be when she gained the courage to bare her body to him. She needed to do it soon.

  It still scared her to give a man control of her life and body, but Michael made her wish for more. Each day she spent with him, the ice around her heart melted a little. She’d thought she had lost the ability to love, but she was beginning to suspect there was one man who could prove her wrong. She could not allow it to happen. The pain would be unbearable when he rejected her, and he would.

  She needed a purpose, something to fill the emptiness. “Fanny, what do you do on your half day off?”

  “I visit my brother’s school, my lady. Why do you ask?”

  Diana looked at her maid with interest. She knew nothing about the woman, which was as it should be. Wasn’t it? “I didn’t know your brother had a school. Well, actually, I didn’t know you had a brother.”

  “Oh, it isn’t his school. He has a position teaching there.”

  “What is the name of the school and what does he teach?” Diana pushed the gown aside and sat down, immediately realizing she could not breathe sitting on the soft bed. She moved to a chair.

  “It is the Blue Coat School, and he teaches the boys navigation. He used to be a sailor, my lady.”

  “Why do the boys need to learn navigation?”

  “Many of them go on to be sailors.”

  “I’ve not heard of the Blue Coat School. Where is it?”

  “It’s in Newgate, my lady, and you have likely heard it called Christ Hospital.”

  “Yes, of course. What do you do when you go there?”

  “I teach the younger boys to read.”

  Diana’s heart began to pound in excitement. “Will you be going again next week?”

  Fanny gave her a suspicious look. “Why do you want to know?”

  “I want to go with you.”

  “No. Oh, no, my lady. His lordship would turn me out with no reference. After he kills me, that is.”

  Diana stood. “You leave his lordship to me. Next Wednesday, I am coming with you. Good Lord, sit down, Fanny, you’ve gone all white.”

  Diana went to her vanity and applied the vanilla scent behind her ears and on her wrists. The fragrance seemed to leave Michael bemused. She wanted him distracted when she told him she was going to Newgate to visit a boys’ school.

  Had she found her purpose? To think she could make a difference in a boy’s life, that because of her, his existence might be improved. No one knew better than she what it meant to have no hope. Oh, she wished it were Wednesday.

  She turned to her maid. “Have you recovered? I need to finish dressing. I don’t want to be late for luncheon.”

  ****

  “Mama, I have learned how to read and speak one whole sentence in Latin today! What do you have to say to that?”

  Diana set down her fork. “I would say you are brilliant and I am so proud of you. Tell me what you learned.” She exchanged a smile with Michael. He seemed as proud of Jamie as she.

  “I can say, qui audit adipiscitur.”

  Michael laughed, and she gave him a puzzled look.

  “He just said, he who dares wins. That is a fine motto, Jamie.”

  “What is a motto?”

  “Well, let me think how to best tell you,” Michael said.

  “It is a phrase that expresses the description or purpose of something or someone,” Diana said. Well, judging by the blank look on Jamie’s face, she had been of no help.

  Michael winked at her. “Your mother is correct. Think of it this way. If I were Prize, my motto might be Fortis atque fidelis.”

  “What does it mean?” Jamie asked.

  “Strong and faithful.”

  “Oh, she is. Say it again in Latin so I can learn it.”

  Diana sat back and observed Michael’s treatment of Jamie. That there was love between them was obvious. She almost wished he had no use for her son. Their son. How was she going to explain to Jamie they could not live with Michael forever? Now that he had a taste of this new world, would he be happy living in a cottage again somewhere in the country? Perhaps she should consider a small house in Town. He would be nearer Michael and they could visit often.

  “Where is Aunt Suzanne, Mama?”

  “She is visiting friends today. She said to tell you she would see you at dinner.”

  “I am glad she has friends, but I miss her. She is teaching me to speak French. Did you know I have French in me?” Jamie said, a proud look on his face.

  Diana met Michael’s gaze. “Yes, your father is half French.” She hated the sadness in his eyes. How much it must hurt not to be able to acknowledge his son. Perhaps when Jamie was older and could keep a secret they would tell him. She turned to Jamie. “I think Mr. Denton must be wondering where you are.”

  “He will be surprised when I tell him Prize has a Latin motto. Fortis atque fidelis.” He peered up at Michael. “Did I say it right?”

  “You said it perfectly.”

  Jamie left with a wide smile on his face, his father’s eyes soft and loving as his gaze followed his son. Diana’s heart took a little tumble.

  “Every day, I am amazed by him. I think he is the brightest boy in the kingdom.”

  She laughed. “I think you are biased.”

  “Perhaps. Will you come with me to the drawing room? I have something to tell you.”

  He sounded serious, not like his usual amusing self. Once seated on the sofa, she moved to the corner and wrapped her arms around her waist. “What’s wrong?” He cleared his throat, a bad sign. If there was another letter from Leo, she would refuse to read it. He was dead; she was glad, that was all she needed to know.
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  “I hope nothing is wrong, but that depends on you and how you feel about what I did.”

  She searched his face, but saw nothing in his eyes to fear. “Tell me.”

  “Actually, I have done more than one thing, but I will start with this. I called on your father yesterday.”

  She could not breathe. Oh, God. Air, she needed air. She stood and inhaled. Why would he do such a thing? She shook her head in disbelief. “And he threw you out on your bum.”

  He stood and took her hands. “No, he did not. In about two hours, he and your mother will be here to beg your forgiveness. He fears you will not give it.”

  “They are coming here?” The thought was unbearable. She sank down onto the sofa. “I am too ashamed to face them. God, Michael, the last time they saw me… I can’t do it.”

  He sat next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing.”

  “That is easy for you to say, you were not the one in bed naked with your legs spread. How am I to look them in the eye after what they saw?”

  “Your father read Leo’s letter. He now knows how wrong he was to judge you and he is the one who will have trouble looking you in the eye. Listen. When I read the letter, I never once thought of you in that bed. I was too angry with myself for my actions. It is the same for him. When they arrive, you will lift your chin and stand tall with pride.”

  “I don’t think I can.”

  “You can, and I will tell you why. Leo said he hoped there was a window in hell. Imagine there is. Are you going to let him see he was successful in destroying you? It will please him to no end if you take his shame as yours. Do you want to hand him that victory?”

  Never. She would die first. How had he known just the right thing to say? “Thank you. I had not thought of it that way. Anything he would not like, I can do. Will you stay with me when they arrive?”

  “For the first few minutes. I think you should have some time alone with them. They want to meet their grandson, so I will return with Jamie in half an hour.”

  She wanted him to stay, but he was right. “For Jamie’s sake, I put my pride aside and wrote my father when we lived at the cottage and food was scarce. He never answered. I can forgive him for disowning me because of the way everything happened, but I am not sure I can get past his willingness to let his grandson starve.”

  “I wonder if he received it. He did not mention hearing from you.”

  “I gave it to Mr. Bloodstone to send.”

  “I would wager it was not sent. You need to ask your father if he received it. He will not lie to you, and if he did not get it, then you have nothing to get past. If he did and ignored you, that is another thing altogether.”

  “I will. It is something I need to know.”

  The gaze he focused on her was intent. “Do you know what I need?”

  “A new hat?”

  His mouth curved in a half smile. “No. Guess again.”

  She tapped her finger against her lips.

  “Exactly,” he said and kissed her.

  She burst into laughter.

  ***

  Michael lifted his head and looked at her. “That is not the reaction I was hoping for. If you laugh when a man kisses you, you risk unmanning him. He will think he is doing it wrong. Then he will go to his club to commiserate with his friends. They will pretend sympathy, after which, they will go out and gossip to their friends, and so on. The next morning over his coffee, he will open the gossip page and there will be his name under the heading of the earl who cannot kiss. He will collect cats and never leave his home again.”

  She waved a hand. “Stop it. My side hurts.”

  Sweet Jesus, he loved hearing her laugh. She had eleven years to make up for and he would give her at least one reason a day to indulge. “Do you want to tell me why you found my kiss funny? Your answer might make a difference in the number of cats I acquire.”

  She tapped her finger on her lips. “That meant I was thinking.”

  “No, to a man that means you want a kiss.”

  “What are the two of your making so much noise over?”

  Michael stood. “Mother, if you come across dozens of cats frolicking in the halls, you can blame Diana. How was your day?”

  “Mon Dieu, cats make me sneeze. How many did you say?” Sinking onto a chair, she removed her gloves. “My day was lovely, but long. I had some interesting visits with my friends.” She gave him a meaningful look.

  Ah, her mission had been successful. “That is good to hear. I hope you are not too tired. Diana’s parents will be here this afternoon and I’m sure they will wish to see you.”

  She turned to Diana. “Are you comfortable with this, my dear?”

  “I am nervous, very much so, but Michael convinced me I have nothing to be ashamed of. I just hope I remember that when I face them.”

  Michael reached for her hand. “I will stay with her for a few minutes and then give them some time alone before I return with Jamie. You can come in with me then, Mother.”

  “Very well. If you will excuse me, I want to freshen up.”

  Alone again, he lifted her chin with his finger and lowered his lips to hers. He could spend the remainder of his life sitting on this sofa with his mouth on hers, but then he would be neglecting other delicious parts of her. Like her neck. He kissed his way to the soft pale skin below her ear.

  “Michael?”

  “Please, do not ask me to stop.” He nibbled on her earlobe and she shivered.

  “Smell me.”

  What? She held her hand up to his face. He pressed his nose to her wrist and inhaled. “Ah, vanilla. May I lick you?” Without waiting for permission, he swiped his tongue over her skin. “Delicious.” Her little shiver pleased him.

  Leaning back, he quirked a brow. “I could spend the day with my nose buried against your neck when you wear that scent, but you have me at sixes and sevens. What are you about?”

  She tilted her head and studied him. “Are you bemused?”

  The devil, but she kept him entertained. “Do I need to be?”

  “I think it would be for the best.”

  Now he was wary. “You have my undivided attention.”

  “Well, that is just it. I want your attention divided so when I tell you I will be visiting Christ Hospital next week, you will say, ‘That is nice, my dear’. Then you will go off and do whatever it is you do, never realizing what you have agreed to.”

  He tried to assimilate her words. Why did she need to go to a hospital? Was she sick? That could not be right. Christ Hospital was not a place for a woman of high birth. She said visiting, but what the hell for?

  “How long is it going to take you to speak, my lord? Shall I request tea? Perhaps tell cook to delay dinner.”

  The hurt and frightened kitten he had dragged home was finding her claws. It was about time. “I’m wondering why you wish to go to Christ Hospital.”

  “I want to visit the Blue Coat School with Fanny. She goes there on her half day and teaches the boys to read. I think I might like to do so, also.”

  He was going to have a little talk with her maid for putting the idea in Diana’s head.

  “I know what you are thinking, and if you so much as say a cross word to Fanny I will…I will…blast, what will I do?” Her eyes brightened. “I have it. I will never let you sniff me again.”

  A burst of laughter escaped and she glared at him. “My pardon,” he said and pressed a finger over his lips.

  “You must not blame Fanny. It was not her idea, and she almost swooned when I told her I was going with her next week. Now, she thinks you are going to murder her. I would prefer you didn’t.”

  “So, it was your idea and I should murder you instead?”

  She grinned. “Precisely.” Her smile faded. “I am not asking permission, Michael. I don’t feel I must, but I did not want to go behind your back. I need a purpose and this may be it. I would be teaching the children to read. I won’t know until
I try it, but I think helping homeless boys would give me great satisfaction.”

  He could give her a purpose, a very important one as his wife. He could also give her satisfaction, something he had already proved. “No, Newgate is not a safe area for you to be traipsing off to.”

  “Traipsing off to?” She stood and backed away. “I had hoped you would understand and be happy that I might have found something useful to do, but I repeat, I do not need your approval.”

  There was no way in hell he was going to let her put herself in danger. Newgate was filled with unsavory characters. The thought of her being robbed or worse accosted, even raped, terrified him. He rose and approached her.

  “You want to find something useful? Marry me and your days will be filled with things to do. Or you can sit on your bottom, eat bonbons and read penny novels all day. I don’t really care. But you are not venturing into that part of town.”

  She moved away, putting a chair between them. “You are not my husband. You cannot dictate to me. I had ten years of being told what I could and could not do, and I am done with it. I am almost nine and twenty, old enough to make my own decisions. If I want to go to the Blue Coat School I will, and you have nothing to say about it.”

  Oh, he had much to say about it, but comparing him to Leo was too much. “I. Am. Not. Leo. I am concerned for your safety, not endangering it. It is a hare-brained idea, Diana, and I forbid—”

  Michael scowled at her retreating back. She almost barreled over Smedley in her haste to leave the room. Bloody hell, he had handled that badly, but the thought of her being anywhere near the prison gave him the shudders.

  “What is it, Smedley?”

  “You have a visitor, my lord.”

  Michael took the card from the silver tray and glanced at it.

  “Take him to my study, and tell him I will be with him shortly.”

  “Yes, my lord.”

  Frustrated, he pushed a hand through his hair. He was only trying to protect her. Why was that so difficult to understand? Once she thought it through, she would realize he was right. He strode to his study thinking he probably should have called her idea something different than hare-brained. “Not the best thing I could have said,” he muttered.